LGBTQ Pride Month: The gay best friend every woman must have

Think gay. Think lovable, sassy Cameron Tucker in the hit show Modern Family who could very well be just about anybody’s best friend. Though this show has a host of gay characters, all of which are endearing in their own ways, including Tucker’s husband Michael Pritchett, the former still qualifies as the gay ‘best’ friend that every woman aspires to have. 

Going by the stereotype would mean he's chatty, gossipy and has a huge affinity towards fashion, style, luxury, and the good life and also is hugely popular, especially with women. Not every gay buddy has to be like this though; you can still like them for other qualities, but you can’t ignore their dripping, cascading charm. Gay men are very very charming, know how to compliment a woman and say just the right things. Is it any wonder then that they make a woman's best buddy?

If you ask me why, I could roll off a number of reasons why I think so and also why I feel that the straight woman-gay man friendship is a match made in Heaven. In fact a bit more than even the ‘bromosexual’ friendships that are the talk of the town now. Uh, what’s that?

Bromosexual would mean a straight man and gay man friendship that’s decidedly rarer than gay men’s friendships with women. Only because most straight guys are reluctant to befriend gay ones because of some amount of homophobia (admit it, it exists!) and then being seen as less masculine if found in the company of such men. And yet, bromosexual friendships are slowly gaining a foothold in society, if you are to believe societal trends as reported in most media. 

Women on the other hand are drawn to gay men like bees to honey and the reason is clear. They gravitate towards them because they get the benefits of hanging around with somebody who is clearly not a competition and also because this liaison has none of the dangers that heterosexual friendships have. 

Like  a famous character Harry Burns, in a very famous romcom, When Harry Met Sally says, “Men and women can’t be friends because the sex part always gets in the way.” His view may not be entirely accurate but has a lot of truth in it if you care to find out. After all friend zoning doesn’t come easy, with just about anybody.

ALSO READ| 'Gender identity is real': Judge temporarily halts Florida law banning gender-affirming care for trans kids

Cinema and television have paid more tributes than any other medium to the idea of the ‘gay best friend’ that women cherish. Personally, some of my favourite gay best friends are: Rupert Everett who’s the gay right-hand to Julia Roberts in My Best Friend’s Wedding. He’s devoted to her, loves her and gets to show that being single is fun. My vote also goes to Paul Rudd in The Object of My Affection, the ideal partner that Jennifer Aniston wants but cannot have! 

Then again, in the famous 1998 show Will & Grace that ran for a successful 11 seasons before wrapping up in 2006, is it any surprise then that the lead characters Will Truman (Eric Mccormack), a gay lawyer and his best friend Grace Adler (Debra Messing), an interior designer became iconic characters soon after? Their relationship with all its fun moments and sensitivity and pathos carved the way for more gay characters and best friendships with women to flourish in real life.

Well, the gay best friend endures. You’ll still find him lurking here and there and latching on to a woman that loves him with all her heart and vice versa.
  
Now, coming back to the real world, what on earth can explain why gay men and women make best friends? According to a report in Science Direct, the reason why not just any woman, but most attractive women want gay male friends is because it is a previously undiscovered strategy to prevent mating deception and sexual exploitation. Ahem, yes. There is painstaking research that actually says that women's tendency to befriend gay men is because firstly they do not have the motive to mate with women or to compete with them for straight male partners. The second reason is that attractive women are more likely to be sexually and competitively targeted by heterosexual individuals.

So straight women and gay men can have an astonishing rapport and become close quickly; just the kind of things that they may not always have with straight men. These above reasons are also advocated in a study by Eric M Russell, professor at the University of Texas at Arlington, Department of Psychology.
 
Like so many others before me, I too had my share of gay best friends. I’ll call my first gay best friend Simon (he still doesn’t want to be written about), like the 2018 movie about the cute gay guy called Love Simon. The first time we met in college was almost like the first time of a romantic encounter. Our eyes met, we talked, hit it off immediately and became best friends soon after. Except this was not a romance; rather a straight woman-gay man friendship that has nurtured my life for the last 15 years. 

He no longer lives in India but we still keep in touch. He says it's been tough growing up with a different sexual orientation in a country where it is still a matter of shame for most parents to admit their child is gay, where he was mocked a lot and could never marry the man he loved. 

In these years, I've been through my fair share of troubles; so has he. Instead of reaching out to other friends, I always leaned on him. His life hasn't been so easy because though he had been through many relationships, when he finally found the one he wanted to marry, there was a lot of opposition so he moved to foreign shores with his partner and they created their ‘happily ever after.'

A classic love story with all the trials and tribulations and finally victory. 

Throughout the years, I've had the fortune of knowing many such Simons, all of whom (at least I feel that) are unique in the way they lead their lives, choosing their battles, their rights and holding their head up to make their unique choices and being fearless about it. They do not bow to convention and do not subscribe to notions of ‘normal’ that most people are bound to, in a narrow sense.

What is normal, really? It differs from person to person.

These famous lines by American cartoonist Charles Addams of Addams Family fame should say it all: What is chaos for the fly is order for the spider! 

Or even as the lines from this song by celebrated artist George Michael (who was gay but publicly declared it only in 1998) go: 

I think there's something you should know
I think it's time I stopped the show
There's something deep inside of me
There's someone I forgot to be
Take back your picture in a frame
Don’t think that I’ll be back again
I just hope you understand
Sometimes the clothes do not make the man.

Aptly titled "Freedom! ’90," this song became an LGBTQ+ anthem the world over and is even more relevant this June, the Pride Month when we celebrate and cherish them!

(Disclaimer: The views of the writer do not represent the views of WION or ZMCL. Nor does WION or ZMCL endorse the views of the writer.)

WATCH WION LIVE HERE