Social media and the kids: Is it spiralling out of control?

A week ago my younger son called me while I was at work to inform me that he wasn’t too happy with the limits we had placed on his internet usage. The reason being his friends got to do much more, so these rules were unfair. He’s not into social media yet but using the internet for games and research for studies and creating videos or graphics seemed to excite him, as did the prospect of communicating with his friends via Skype and Zoom calls.

That night I sat down with him to discuss the reasons we were doing this and also if he understood what safe internet or even social media usage is. For an about to be ten-year-old, he seemed to have quite a bit of clarity over it. “Well, right now I’m not asking you for a phone that most kids have. I’m willing to wait until I’m 13 only because I feel that when we surf the internet, many a time, a lot of inappropriate content pops up and it’s difficult to understand all that. This happens even when I'm playing games or surfing the net.”

When prodded a bit more, he revealed that he knew the internet and social media weren’t all about good things but it was a necessary evil and could I please understand that and give him more time to access the internet for school work? I agreed and at the same time, I thought that this conversation would have to be repeated quite frequently so that I knew whatever was going on in his mind and even in his peer group about these issues. 

And then a friend’s daughter at 16, is heavily into social media with her Instagram page boasting almost 7k followers because of the fashionable pictures she posts, after boring a hole into my friend's pocket with her demands for the latest fashionable stuff, A teen influencer if you may call her, as of late she’s started getting a lot of paid and barter deals from companies as is the norm when you manage to get a fan following. 

So far so good. No harm done.

But there are also instances of children, especially teenagers who are hooked on social media and have faced instances of losing their sleep and thereby faring badly in academics because of constantly checking their feeds and also getting anxious and depressed when a picture or a reel didn’t fetch as many likes and comments as they thought it would. 

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Some have started existing in a virtual world where they wake up and post the first feed of the day, bleary eyed from their beds to their daily morning bathroom ablutions and then their breakfasts to when they’re studying and hanging out with friends and well, the list is endless. Their life is public and fodder for the public means if you get likes, you will also get dislikes in the sense that anybody can comment, troll or DM you what they feel about you and your life on the internet. The logic is: if you want to go public, dare to take whatever comes with it.

According to the Pew Research Center survey conducted from April 14 to May 4, 2022, a vast majority of teens have access to digital devices, such as smartphones (95%), desktop or laptop computers (90%) and gaming consoles (80%). And the study shows there has been an uptick in daily teen internet users, from 92% in 2014-15 to 97% today. In addition, the share of teens who say they are online almost constantly has roughly doubled since 2014-15 (46% now and 24% then).

A report in UNICEF says that too much use of social media can be unhealthy and has been linked to feelings of envy, inadequacy and less satisfaction with life. Studies have even suggested that it can lead to ADHD symptoms, depression, anxiety and sleep deprivation. With depression on the rise worldwide and half of all mental illnesses starting at age 14 though, the potential issues warrant further exploration.

Cyberbullying happens, as unsavoury remarks, being approached by strangers, violence through content showcased on social media, and exposure to nude videos and pictures that are strewn all over the internet, therefore anxiety and depression can set in because, at this age, children cannot and are not expected to know how to deal with all these factors. 

A lot of parents I spoke to felt their child spent too much time on the phone or computer scrolling through social media feeds instead of getting real work done in the real world. They worried it could affect their grades and academic performance. 

A real fear if there ever was any.  

Recently US Surgeon General Vivek H Murthy spoke about the ill effects of social media on kids. He says technology companies should put better protections in place and help parents because social media is affecting the mental health of children. They are getting bullied, anxious, and depressed and they can't seem to stop. All his comments are backed up by hard facts and research.

He adds that the love for one’s children is a unique kind of love and that as they near adolescence, there is more need to pay attention to how social, media can affect their health and well-being. His advisory says that nearly 70 per cent of parents say their job is harder now than it was for parents 20 years ago, mainly because of technology and social media and nearly all teenagers in the United States (95 per cent) use social media platforms — two-thirds use them daily and more than one-third “almost constantly.” 

Murthy’s statement also clarified that as of now there is not enough evidence to conclude that social media is sufficiently safe for our kids. In fact, there is increasing evidence that social media use during adolescence — a critical stage of brain development — is associated with harm to mental health and well-being. He says policymakers and technology companies should establish age-appropriate health and safety standards that protect against exposure to harmful content and they should be transparent with the public, including independent researchers and parents, about what the data tells us about how social media is affecting our kids.

What can we do? Can we do anything at all now that social media and the life of our kids are intertwined? Dr Samir Parikh, Psychiatrist and Director of the Department of Mental Health and Behavioural Sciences, Fortis Healthcare, Delhi who has authored numerous books including one called How To Raise Confident Children, says firstly content can be incorrect and that can falsely influence and increase stereotyping. For this, they should be given media literacy training in schools. Secondly, if not balanced with outdoor or social activities and academics, the overuse can cause concern. Thirdly, peer influence and the pressure of conformity affects the individual self-development of children. 

This tells us how important a concern this should be for parents of children who use the internet frequently and more so, social media use. While banning social media or phones or hovering around the kids 24/7 is certainly not a solution, what we can do is lay down a set of rules for its use. But how?
Says Dr Anupam Sibal, paediatrician, Group Medical Director of Apollo Hospitals Group and also the author of Is Your Child Ready to Face the World, “It is important to have some clear parameters. How much time and what time of the day, needs to be defined. Absolutely no usage zones like the dining table need to be adhered to. Late night use is a no-no as the stimulation tricks the brain that it isn't time to sleep and the sleep cycle is disturbed.”

The most important rule is of course the no-negotiation rule that because it is social media, the less used the better. While we as parents cannot always ensure this, the least we can do is try and keep regular checks and most important keep the channels of communication open and keep the discussions ongoing with the kids. It’s the least we can do for those we love so much and who we want to keep safe always.

For the rest, the government needs to take this up as a very serious concern and put checks in place before it's too late.

Disclaimer: The views of the writer do not represent the views of WION or ZMCL. Nor does WION or ZMCL endorse the views of the writer.

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